Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
