Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
