Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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