Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
