I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
