Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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