It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
