I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
