they call him Oral-B. enough said
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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