haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
