i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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