hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
