Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Im part way to drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
tell me about the eggs
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