I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
