so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
