Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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