so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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