Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
