He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
