She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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