My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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