i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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