i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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