Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
