just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
