Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
