The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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