btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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