i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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