A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
