I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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