in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize