As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
