If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
