he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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