can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
