Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
