Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
