Quick, to the slutcave!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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