Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
