i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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