:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm at about main and main street
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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