i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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