I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
