I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
