also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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