just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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