My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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