I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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