yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
