Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
