ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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