I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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