This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
