Your dad touched me again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
