just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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