Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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