Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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