and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
