He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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