Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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