so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
