She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
