and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
