I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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