dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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