Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
God, I missed his penis.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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