it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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