Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize