I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
