im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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