I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
