508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
