you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
