Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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