I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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