my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
