I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
