Nicole vs. Life
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
