Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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