k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
