I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
