i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
