It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
