Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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