Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
