no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
