i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
