good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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