His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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