Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
