I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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