So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
