I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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