Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
