I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
