why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize