My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
