My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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