$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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