What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
