I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
