It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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