So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
