No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
