carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
