someone threw a dead crab at me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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