Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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