the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
