i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The air taste purple.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
