Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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