did you get engaged???
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
even my farts smell like vagina
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think your dad took our porno
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
