so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize